Drum Roll Please

Ok, I had my weekly meeting with the scale on Saturday and it showed a loss of 1.2 lbs. for the second week in a row.  A tiny drop in a big pool but a drop none-the-less!  That’s 2.4 lbs. over two weeks, which means I won’t make my 5 lbs. every 3 weeks goal at this rate, but it’s further ahead than where I was two weeks ago. What helps me even more than seeing a negative in my WW book though, is the “I can do this” feeling it has instilled in me! 

Weekends are usually a battlefield for me.  Dinners out, different schedule (we often just eat a late breakfast and an early dinner), social occasions where I don’t have control over the menu, etc., etc.  But this weekend was different.  Friday night instead of my usual “I’m too tired – let’s order pizza” ritual, I planned to make BLT’s with fresh veggies from the garden.  Just fried up some bacon (this is one area I don’t substitute… I do not like Turkey Bacon or bacon substitutes it’s got to be the real thing), cut up some veggies, put on Reduced Fat Wheat Thins and Hummus for me and Potato Chips for the hubby and called it dinner!  What I did do was went light on the bacon and mayo (even though I use light olive oil based mayo), piled on the lettuce and tomato and limited myself to just one sandwich (which are made on Whole Wheat Sandwich Thins).  

Then Saturday we were headed down to my mom’s for dinner and I didn’t know if we’d eat in or out.  Just before we left I was feeling hungry and decided to make something substantial so that I wouldn’t eat everything in sight when I got to mom’s and/or the restaurant.  So again, out came my sandwich thins, a wedge of laughing cow cheese and a couple of slices of deli turkey.  That definitely took the edge off so when we did sit down to eat I could slow down and enjoy my mom’s ham, sweet potato and salad dinner.  I even indulged in a small sliver of her famous Pecan Pie (thank you daughter who lives in GA for those sweet pecans we picked up over the 4^th!). 

As many of you may know, I have severe arthritis in my hips so I am very limited as to what I can do for exercise.  I did walk the dog 2 miles around our “block” (we live out in the country) Friday night but that was it as far as planned exercise goes for the weekend.  What I did do was help Duane on the barn, climbing up and down a ladder and walking on the scaffolding as he placed boards, helped him disassemble and move my mom’s queen size bed and then assemble and move her new twin size bed, and cleaned house on Sunday.  While those  things don’t seem like a big deal – they are to me because if I was still at my full-weight or higher I would have never had been able to help Duane as I did and I remember what a chore cleaning house was!  I still don’t like it and I still sweat but I’m at a point where I feel better when I’m done rather than worse.

Speaking of full-weight, prepare yourself because I have decided to put up a photo I shared at the WW Open House on Sat.   It was taken at Christmas in 2005, I joined WW the following May, and is one of the very few photos of me at my full weight.  I either avoided the camera or was the one taking the photos so I wouldn’t have to be in them.  WOW!  When I found it for the presentation, I was one of four that shared our WW Success Stories at the Open House, I almost started crying.  I showed it to my hubby and even he was a bit shocked.  I can’t believe I let myself get that large.  I remember that it was easy to do.  I know that as it was happening I didn’t feel bad about it – hey they make plenty of Plus-size clothing, and my family continued to love me just the same – but looking back I can’t believe how much it hurt every day to carry that extra 75 lbs. around!   Now I pick up a bag of 40 lb. dog food for our dog and can’t believe I carried almost twice that on my knees and hips!  I do remember being tired all the time and not wanting to do anything except sit on the couch every night and weekend.  Walk around the block – I had a hard time walking around the house! 

After I weighed in Sat. my WW leader reminded me that because of my age and meds I take, I can get a letter from my doctor asking that my goal weight be adjusted up from what WW recommends but I said “No”.  I know what it feels like and how I look when I’m at goal and I want that feeling again.  I want to get rid of this spare tire once and for all!

So this morning I got up and did a 30 minute Yoga DVD my hubby found in the TV cabinet over the weekend.  It wasn't pretty but I did it!  I had WW oatmeal and a banana for breakfast, and made two tacos with left-over chicken, WW red beans and rice and salsa on corn tortillas for lunch.  I’m full and hope that maybe I’ll get through the afternoon without needing a snack but hey – if I need one I have my honey-wheat pretzels and almonds counted out in drawer for a quick boost. 

It’s going to be a great day because I’m going to make it a great day and that's worth beating the drums for!

            Me - Christmas 2005 before a wonderful 75 lb. weight loss!

Why is this so hard?

You know the routine, Monday morning – new week, new start, new plans – everything is looking rosey but then by Wednesday (a mere two days later), if not before, you’re ready to throw in the towel!  That’s me today. 

Tuesday I had a lunch meeting I had to attend but the planner waited until the last minute to order lunch so guess what we got – everybody say it together – PIZZA!  Not only that it was Jet’s square, thick crust with lots of cheese and meat but they also threw in bread sticks!   For me, I did really well, two pieces of pizza and one bread stick, but that meant I had to have a salad and ½ a cup of BBQ Pork to stay within my points while my husband enjoyed a yummy, warm BBQ Pork Sandwich on a bun with cheese and French Fries! 

Then this morning we had a mandatory meeting at 7:30 am so the planner brought breakfast and it was Panera Soufflés and muffins.  Now I can walk away from the muffins but if you’ve ever had one of their Breakfast Soufflés you know what I’m talking about – warm, soft, tasty goodness that just glides across your tongue (and in my case straight to my spare tire)!   Thankfully a co-worker and I knew this was coming so we already had a game-plan to split one but it was really tough not to go back for seconds, thirds or fourths!  So that means a large salad for lunch because I’m going out to dinner with a friend I haven’t seen in a while and I want to be able to eat something then.

I simply don’t understand why losing weight is SO difficult!  I mean it’s so easy to put it on – and by the way I have discovered that for me it takes me twice as long to lose the lbs. once I put them on so if I’ve gone up a lb. one week it takes me two weeks (usually losing .5 each week) to get it off.  That is just not fair! 

Then beyond the fact that losing is physically harder – it’s also mentally harder.  I mean come on - I have to wake up every morning and have a game plan in place or the day goes to H-E-double toothpicks in a hand-basket real quick.  Do I eat a “good” (read tasty, rather large) breakfast and use points there or do I do something “quick” (read somewhat bland and small) so I can eat better and larger the rest of the day.  In my case, I also have to take into account my schedule – am I in the office all day, do I have meetings at lunch or going out with someone for lunch, am I traveling, will I be home for dinner or are all the meals “on the road”?????  It’s all too much for this 50 year old brain to contemplate most days. 

I think that is why I’ve been so challenged for these last few years, and why I hope this attempt works.  I have to want this for all the right reasons and I have to be my own biggest motivator.  Let’s take for example the shirt I have on today – I love this shirt but even with the ruching (I think that’s how you spell the name of the extra material they gather on each side in an attempt to help hide fat) around the belly you can plainly see my spare tire – and that’s what I need to get rid of.  I hate seeing it in my reflection and I know all the medical reports say this is the worst area to carry fat.  I know it’s going to take a combination of losing lbs. and toning (exercise) so I’m trying to take baby steps to get this elephant eaten one piece at a time. 

Eating wise I have done well this week.  A couple of days I was 2-3 points over but I also have been able to walk every evening.  Today will be a challenge because of the breakfast then eating out tonight, which also means no walk, and, quite frankly, I just feel like I want to eat everything in sight! 

Today is a day to pull out the self-discipline and make it work…. but why is it so hard?  (she whines)

What the????

I want to make one thing clear from the beginning - this was not my idea.  If you can picture a cartoon character with her heels dug down into the ground and her daughter pushing her like a two-wheel dolly – that is how this all started!  My daughter, the one doing the pushing, has been blogging for a long time now but I am a 50 year old woman who “lurks” on Facebook (my children’s term) and has been on Pinterest maybe twice in the 6+ months I’ve been signed up for it so I wasn’t too keen on putting myself out there in a blog.  But to her defense, I did agree to try this so she set me up.

The title of this blog “Last20again” is why I am blogging.   About 5 years ago I found myself to be a 45ish year old woman who was gaining weight rapidly, having knee problems, battling with depression and not sleeping well.  So after a visit with my MD I went to see an Orthopedic Surgeon for my knee and he said “If you would only lose 25 lbs. your knees would feel so much better”.  The following week I was diagnosed with Sleep Apnea and put on a breathing machine, which I HATED (yes it was so hateful I have to put it in caps) so when I went back for a check-up with my sleep doctor I asked if there was anything else I could use besides that blasted machine and he said “If you lose 25 lbs. I will fit you for a mouth piece.”  So back to my MD I went and said – “I need to lose at least 25 lbs.  What do you recommend?”  She recommended Weight Watchers so I joined.

I not only lost the 25 lbs., so my knees felt better and I was fitted for a mouth piece, but I went on to lose a total of 75 lbs. in about a year and a half.  I was in heaven!  I was walking better – I was sleeping better – life was better - period!    

Then my father became ill suddenly and within three weeks passed away.  I thought I was handling the whole situation ok but my body was saying otherwise… that was almost 5 years ago now and I’ve gained and lost (most of) the same 20 lbs. over and over and over and over and over again!  So I was lamenting to my daughter about those stubborn 20 and we talked about putting money in a jar to buy something special when I lost the weight, but I’m blessed to be at a point in my life where I don’t necessarily have to save for the fun stuff – if I want it, within reason, I usually just buy it.   Then she suggested that I do a blog to keep me accountable… as I’ve stated I wasn’t too keen on the idea but as I thought more about it I decided I had to try everything if I was going to get down and stay down.

As I see it, I have a couple of problems with these last 20 lbs. 

1.    I LOVE food (again with the all caps – yes I feel that strongly)!  While I don’t always like preparing it – there isn’t much out there I won’t eat and enjoy.

2.    I suffer from portion distortion.   If something tastes good isn’t more better than less?

3.    I haven’t found the motivation needed to exercise regularly.   Now don’t get me wrong- I love to be active.  I love to swim, ride bike and walk.  My problem is the motivation to get to the pool at 5:30 am and not be uncomfortable swimming laps with all those other swimmers that swim so much better than I.  Or it’s getting on my bike or walking the dog after I’ve worked all day, made dinner, eaten dinner, cleaned up after dinner, etc.  This only gets worse as the days shorten and I ride to work and home in the dark.

So that’s my story… I’m back on the WW bandwagon (I’ve never left – just have been paying for years when I should be able to attend for free) and am going to see how this blogging thing goes.  Today I’ve done well.  WW oatmeal, almond milk and a banana for breakfast, a bottle of water, Diet Coke and 5 pts of Almonds between breakfast and lunch and a Jimmy John’s Turkey Unwich, hold the mayo add avocado, with a pickle for lunch.  I have pork chops out for dinner – we’ll see how the rest of the day goes.